The Revised Bill of Rights

First Amendment

Congress shall make laws respecting an establishment of religion, especially the Evangelicals and Pentecostals, since we need those fools to keep cheering every time the Pentagon blows to hell some innocent family in a country Israel doesn't like; Congress has the right and duty to subvert freedom of speech and the press, since this Internet thing has gotten out of control.
Truth is our most dangerous opponent and we don't need Americans who care more about their nation than who's going to win the Super Bowl writing intelligent blogs exposing that damned "T" word.

The people can meet and assemble to protest and air their grievances and we'll respond by airing out their skulls with a battalion of heavily armed psycho cops who take delight in smashing in someone's face.
Second Amendment

A well regulated Militia, being a threat to the security of our growing Police State, has NO right to keep and bear Arms, as this could turn really nasty if those fools ever come to their senses and realize it's time to stand up like their ancestors and take back their birthright from those crafty Rothschilds, and too many guns spells BIG trouble for us lard ass billionaires who are really in charge of the USA.
Third Amendment

We'll quarter soldiers in your house--if you still have one--any damn time we please. Try complaining about what used to be against the law and you'll find out what a kiss from a .223 caliber bullet will do to your skull.
Fourth Amendment

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, will be violated, and as for Warrants, our co-conspirators on the Supreme Court gave our thuggish National Police State goons so many loopholes, we don't need no damned Warrant, we'll just kick in the door, guns blazing and then we'll see who's left to bitch about their 'rights.'
Fifth & Sixth Amendments

Any person, except the rich, or the well-connected and us politicans, will be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, whenever our 'Star Chamber' meets and decides who to fuck over, and even kill, since we write the laws that protect our wealth and criminal asses.

We'll try someone as many times as needed to get a guilty conviction, so forget about that BS about double jeopardy. The only jeopardy is the one most Americans are in, since we view you 99% as very dangerous to our operations of robbing you blind and sending your sons and daughters off to fight for Wall Street and Israel.

If you're one of those smart asses that likes to quote the now discarded "right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State," forget that nonsense, it 'accidentally' got dropped down the 'Memory Hole.'

You can also write off the archaic part of the now defunct original Bill of Rights that stated you had the right to confront your accusers. We'll just invoke the 'National Security' scam and have your ass in jail in no time.

If you can't afford legal counsel, tough shit, as that will make it so much easier to toss your innocent ass in prison, but occasionally, we'll appoint some law school grad who barely passed the bar exam, justto give our controlled, state sanctioned media something to blab about how wonderful the Bill of Rights is to our freedoms, which we had to take away because those 'al CIA Duh' types hated us for being able to speak out without fear before our FALSE FLAG/INSIDE JOB of 9/11.
Seventh Amendment

Forget it, we don't have the time nor inclination to give the accused their day in court.
Eighth Amendment
Excessive bail will be required, unless we again say it's one involving National Security, then you'll be held without bail and get to experience being gang raped or killed by the sodomites if you resist their loving embrace.

As for the old no 'cruel and unusual punishment, that's also gone, as we'll hire psycho prison guards who will make what's left of your worthless life a living hell.
Ninth Amendment

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. In other words, we'll do what we want, when we want, to whoever stands in our way.
Tenth Amendment

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are NOT reserved to the States respectively, or to the people. After all, we're fighting a War of Terror, both here at home and abroad, so we are above the laws and the States that think that we should follow the antique Bill of Rights are totally fucked.
Any questions should be directed at your local CIA office, like the one we set up in New York City, or one of the many fusion centers, so we can put your name on an ever expanding list of 'Lone Wolves' who need to be taught some proper respect for their Overlords.

In short, Go to Hell while we laugh all the way to the bank, you ignorant peasants.