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World Spiritual Leader Lady Gaga Blesses Union, Terms Bridal Dress as “Casual, Understated”
By Joe Bodolai (c) 2011, All rights reserved.
Leaders of the once nomadic Saxe-Coburg and Gotha clan gathered in London today, joined by leaders of many of the the world’s other tribes, to once-a year wear jewelry stored in vaults in order to qualify for their tax deductions as “work apparel.” The little known deduction is a massive financial benefit as it transfers the taxes and most of the wealth of their “subjects” directly to them, an annual windfall of billions of pounds sterling, euros, land, and dead foxes. The festivities were highlighted by a lavish public display of ritual pre-coital foofoofery intended to stiffen more than the upper lips of the besieged tribe, desperately in need of stiffening of its weakening DNA strands. As the events are still unfolding, Say It Ain’t So, Joe! provides readers with some fast facts to annoy as much as inform:
Kate Middleton Appears To Realize that Her Childhood Dream of Becoming a Princess Comes with Oddly Dressed Idiots Controlling Her Life and Toilet Habits
Some facts:
Lady Gaga Applauded Kate Middleton’s Dress as “Casual, Understated, Perfect for Pottering Around the House”
The American equivalent of the British term “commoners” is “Kardashians”.
Royal Breeder: Kate Chosen for “Strong Chin, Generous Birth Canal Yet Hips of Current Fashionable Width. Does Not Drool.”
SAY IT AIN’T SO JOE! POLL: 96% of British Gays Would Choose to Replace House of Windsor with Haus of Gaga
Prince Harry Vows to Fulfill Role as Backup Heir by Getting Hammered and Nailing Hot Chicks
Prince Charles Offers a Message of Hope That a Commoner Can Rise Above Her Station if She is Sufficiently Hot and Can Safely Expand the Gene Pool and Someday an Heir With a Chin
British Police Use “Pre-Arrests” as Rehearsal for Upcoming Collision of Shit with Fan
Many Americans With Sufficient Inbreeding Lack Income to move from status as “white trash hillbillies” to “your royal highness”.
Unlike the Marriage of Diana and Prince Charles, the Royal Family Cited “Sacrifice in Difficult Times” and Did Not Engage the Services of the Royal Hymen Inspector. Possibly Also Because He Was Found to be “Less Than Totally Gay”
The guest below shows that the parties would be enlivened by the usual Royal Festive bunch, especially the notorious Sophie of Wessex. Her reputation precedes her in this typo she will never live down but likely now richly deserves.
Always Fun When Drunk, Princess Sophie was Expected to the Source of Many a Charming Anecdote
The day was not without tragedy, however, as the Daily Mail Copy Editor, responsible for the above schedule of events, was tragically killed in a mysterious high speed car crash in a Parisian tunnel.
Oh, by the way, While we were busy watching the ceremonies, the UK Government quietly announced a 37% cut in NHS funding.
"I'm not wearing underwear"
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